I haven’t posted in quite a while. So much has gone on. After 4 years, my head is getting a little clearer. I have realized I have asked others for grace but wasn’t giving it to myself. So there are some changes happening in my life. I have decided to leave my management position at BMH and have accepted a job at Atrium in Macon in the Hematology department. So now I can give myself some grace and concentrate on me.
Today in my memories I came across one of Em’s post from 2016. Many of you that read my blogs didn’t know Em, so I have tried to tell you about Em. What many people don’t know are the horrible struggles she went through. She never complained and never showed how dark her life was at times. This is just another reminder to me how strong my daughter was. It also is a reminder that no matter how dark your life is, you can always find joy and make someone else’s life happy. Because that is what she did.
November 9, 2016
A picture came up on Facebook from a year ago. I'm not going to share it because it hurts me too much. I'm just going to say that from where I was one year ago to where I am now, I feel so good. Over a year ago I did something stupid but at that time, it wasn't stupid to me. As much as I hate being considered a recovering addict, I am so thankful God put me in this path. He showed me just how strong He made me. I've made some stupid choices and I've been to the point of ending my life. He tests me. He pushes me. He shows me that I am much more than what I see in myself. He has proven His love for me. This month will be 8 months of staying away from 2 things that almost ended my life. I will never be the same person I was, but that's okay. I am stronger today than I was yesterday. And where I was 8 months ago, is a place I never want to be again. I have days when anxiety attacks my entire body and I can't breathe, but I know God breathes through my lungs when I can't. So here's to 8 months of being clean at the end of this month. Here's to 2016 almost being over. Here's to having the best older cousin who helped me when I couldn't. Here's to 2 loving parents that I drive crazy, but they love me anyway.
If you have a problem, please ask for help.
If you're suicidal, please go to a hospital and check yourself in.
Your life is worth it. You can make it through the struggles. You are stronger than you think.
I hope that one person who reads this and learns that no matter how dark your life is, IT’S WORTH LIVING! @lifeofem101💖💕
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