How Ironic

 I walk this path every day.  Not, physically, but mentally. I'm on a bridge with no railing and water and possible alligators on both sides.  In my head, the bridge is the path of my life.  There's still water but anxiety added with it.  Because living with anxiety (and/or depression) can feel like you're drowning.  And the alligators are the demons I fight every single day.  Whether it's the thought of relapse or if I'm truly worthy of love and happiness.  I walk this path into the unknown.  I don't know what's behind every corner.  I can't see into the future.  I can't control everything.  I have put my full trust in God and sometimes it's scary.  But the thing that's awesome about giving God all control, is being able to feel free.  You'll know what I mean once you feel it.  It's unexplainable feeling.

This was a post Em made February 12, 2017.  Almost one year after her Dad and I went to Virginia to bring her home.  For the life of me, I will never understand where she got her strength.  Maybe it was her faith in God, maybe it was something she saw in me or her Dad, her grandma, or granddad.  It's something I will always wonder and wish I had her strength.

I've been told you are so strong, but truly, I'm not.  There has been very, very few days where I have not cried, missing her.  Her laugh, her smile, just her.  One more kiss, one more hug that will never come.

I have no support system, it has crumbled around me.  I have no faith, for it has failed me.  I'm drowning with no life rope, no life raft.  How do I survive? I don't know how anymore.

I just finished reading Mitch Albom's latest book "The stranger in the lifeboat"  I'll leave you with a quote

"The distance between death and life is not as great as you imagine"

                                                Mitch Albom

Are we closer than we think?