“Beginnings and endings are earthly ideas. I go on. And because I go on, you go on with me. Feeling loss is part of why you are on Earth. ”

 “Beginnings and endings are earthly ideas. I go on. And because I go on, you go on with me. Feeling loss is part of why you are on Earth. ”

                        Mitch Albom

Feeling loss is a part of why we are on earth.  However, we believe there is an order to death.  That old people die first.  Parents die before their children.  Unfortunately this is not my world.  It is not the world of many mothers today.  In the world we believe and want to believe is that no young person would die.  But the reason they do are reasons beyond our comprehension.  

It's been said many times that God will not give you more than you can handle.  He has plans for you that are good. 

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. So where do I go from here? How can you say your plan is for good, when my child is not here?  The loss of a child is the most painful thing I have ever and will ever experience.  A mother asked me today, will there be days when I don't cry?  I answered, no I don't think so.  And for me, that day hasn't come and I truly don't believe it won't  So how do I move forward?  That's the big question.  You have so much guilt celebrating a birthday, holiday without your child.  How do you take that emptiness away.  People who haven't experienced this, believe that you just keep going. That after they've been buried, you have closer!  What is more reality is that you don't have closer.  I don't believe parents get closer.  It's like I told a Mom today,  you learn how to build up that armor to protect you.  You say, no, I can't go there and then when you are alone, your world that was so perfect (as compared to today) comes crashing down.  You curl up in that ball on the floor or in your bed.  You wonder how it is possible to have the faith that Job did.  How did God give up his son so that all could be saved?  How do you learn to forgive?

These are questions that I have no answers too.  I don't believe those answers will come while I am on this earth.

So I reach out to other Mom's who have lost children.  I try to answer questions that they have, even though, I am not an expert at grief and loss of a child.  Somehow, I have gotten comfort in reaching out to them.  Maybe it's because, I could not have done it this far without other mothers.  Even in their deepest pain, they've reached out.  Told me, it's ok not to be ok. 

It' been extremely hard on not only my immediate family but extended family.  You will learn that no matter how tragic your loss has been, others will believe their struggle has been harder. But let me say, until your family has been broken by losing a child, you will never know what deep, unrelenting hurt truly is.  You will never know that at any instant your breathe will be taken away by one single thought.  You will never EVER truly know how important your children are.

No matter how long it's been, that hurt never goes away.  The what ifs never go away.  You live the rest of your life asking yourself What if?

Enjoy your holidays.  Make them special for those around you and especially your children.  None of us know what tomorrow holds, so be kind to others, for you do not know what pain they carry.