First Christmas

 This holiday brings a lot of emotions for my family. It’s Cam’s first Christmas and our first Christmas without Em. There are no words that can express what we are feeling. Grief is a weird thing when you lose one and a week later a new life comes into the world. You feel guilty for being happy because you don’t think you should be. It’s a process that Don and I have gone through. Many people say that Cam is a blessing and that is so true. He has enriched our lives more than we could have ever imagined, however that doesn’t replace the lost we feel not having Em with us to enjoy that. But I know that she would want us to celebrate and have fun because that’s what she would have done. I wished that Cam could have known her. But we will make sure he knows her and how much she loved him.

For the past 6 years, I think I put up one small Christmas tree once. The holidays are always hard for me and this year will be the hardest. However, I want Cam to experience the joy that our home would be filled with if Em were here. So this year I put up 2 trees. One is pink and red with Em and Vaughan’s hallmark ornaments. The pink is our reminder of how much Em loved the holidays. The other tree is for Cam a more traditional tree. 

I'll leave you with this poem my mother found in my grandmother's bible the year she past:

My First Christmas In Heaven

 

 

I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below,

With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,

For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,

But the sound of music can’t compare

With the Christmas Choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me.

I see the pain inside your heart, but I am not so far away,

We really aren’t apart.

So be happy for me dear ones.

You know I told you dear,

And be glad I’m spending Christmas,

With Jesus Christ this year.

I send you each a special gift, from my Heavenly home above

I send you each a memory of, of my undying love.

After all, “Love” is the gift, more precious than pure gold.

It was always most important in the stories Jesus told.

Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,

For I can’t count the blessing or love he has for each of you.

So have a happy Christmas and wipe away that tear, 

Remember, I’m spending Christmas

With Jesus Christ this year.