Time

 “What’s time between a mother and her daughter? Never too much, never enough.”

Mitch Albom

Twenty six years was definitely not enough.  When we lose someone, the time we had was never enough.  I’ve had many people to tell me how strong I am.  I’ve always been one with self-esteem issues and of course, I don’t feel strong.  But then again, when I am passionate about a subject, I will fight to the end to get it corrected or to get a point across.  However, I can honestly say, that this has been the hardest thing I have ever had to face.

Leaving the hospital that day, I was in shock.  When I got back to where we were staying, I was physically sick.  I don’t know if that’s a normal reaction, or if there is a “normal” reaction to losing a child.  I do know that I have talked with many parents who have lost children.  Don Avery blogged after loosing his daughter and Dale had told me I needed to blog.  I have journaled since 2008. Much of what I journal, I can’t post.  It such raw emotion, but it has to go somewhere.  Last week Mr. Avery and I exchanged some emails and he sent me his link to his blog.  I found myself with many of the same emotions and feeling he described.  After losing my Dad, I know there is a process to grieving and everyone’s is different.  When my Dad passed, I was in therapy and had to write a goodbye letter.  That’s not easy, and I’m just not ready to do that with Em.

I remember the day Em was born.  Don and I didn’t not know if we were going to have a girl or a boy. We just wanted a healthy child.  Don had always said he wanted a daughter that looked just like me, and his prayers were answered the day Em was born.  Her hair was so white you couldn’t even see it!! And like me, she was born head strong!! So as she got into her teenage years, we butted heads! Too much alike.  But she was just as sweet as she could be!  She was such a good baby!!

When she moved back home, those were some of the most challenging years for she and I.  One, she was suffering with severe PTSD, and I had no idea how to deal with that.  Thank goodness for David Curry, who counseled Don and I with dealing with her PTSD.  When she moved to Gainesville, things were so good!!  We stayed up late some nights going through old pictures.  We talked about life and where she wanted to go.  When she started at Brazilian Wax, Adrianne, her boss, was a Godsend!  She took Em under her wing and was a mentor to her.  Em loved her job and co-workers!! She was sad when Covid hit and the office had to close.  And then Sebastian came into her life.  Another Godsend and truly a blessing!!  Sebastian made her happier than anyone in her short life!!  It warmed my heart and still does!

The normal life cycle is for your children to bury you, not for you to bury your child.  But then God doesn’t promise us tomorrow which makes time all that more precious!  Sadly, when we are young we think we will live forever and that tomorrow is given.  As we grow older and closer to facing our own mortality, we realize that time is something you can never get back.  You never get a “do over”.  It’s that one chance.  One chance to love, laugh, give and live.  My Dad told me when I turned 21 that the next day I’d be 50.  LOL, he said that just yesterday!

There are several Mitch Albom books that are great short reads.  I quote from many of them, because I can relate.  Unfortunately, death is part of those books and sadly, I relate to that in a way I never wanted.  

God has been telling me for the past year and a half he has a plan for me.  That plan has included a pathway, I didn’t want to walk, but sometimes we don’t get to choose that pathway.   We just have to be faithful and know that his way is much better than mine!!

“Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more change to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collection days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.”

Mitch Albom

Don’t wait until it’s too late.