Tell me I was dreaming....

 I have been so overwhelmed at the number of people that have reached out to me who read Em’s story.  Sadly, many have had horrific experiences as we did.  My heart breaks for each and everyone.  I cried myself to sleep this morning after work.

I would like to preface what I am about to write that I don’t put all doctor’s and nurses in this category.  Unfortunately, every profession has a few.

In our situation, every time I asked the house supervisor, who is an RN, why a doctor hasn’t called me? I always got the typical “HIPPA” response. However, since my daughter listed myself and my sister as 2 people to participate in healthcare, there were no HIPPA restrictions.  Why no physician called is something they will have to answer to God for that.  I did get one call from a hospitalist and one the day Em coded.  The trauma doctor called, but wasn’t truthful with the information.  The hospital policy stated:

• Exceptions will be made for extenuating circumstances such as end-of-life or unique patient needs.

Did they not think that someone who was non weight bearing on 3 extremities was not a “unique” situation?

What I want to know is why?  Why as a doctor that you could not tell me my daughter was not going to live? And why was it not a doctor that told me when she passed?  I would like to share with you what I had to do as a mother and wife.  I knew that Em was gone the minute I touched her hand.  She was cold and there was no response.  I had to look in my husbands eyes and wait until he had accepted the conclusion I had.  I’ve been in codes and I know the trauma that is done.  The next thing I had to do was to call my son.  How do you respond when he begs and pleads with me to say it’s not true?  How does his wife deal when he has a conversation with a nurse begging her to not let his sister die?  Someone for God’s sake TELL ME HOW YOU DO THAT?  

I was not just broken by Em passing, but I’m broken to have to look in my husband’s eyes and see his pain.  I have to look in my son’s eyes and see his pain.  I have to look into Sebastian’s eyes and see his pain.  Tell me how to you get over that?  How do you shut that memory off?  The truth is, you don’t and never will.

COVID has been difficult for us all in healthcare to deal with.  Nurses and doctors are struggling everyday to take care of these and  non COVID patients.  But for those doctor’s who never call to communicate with a loved ones family, how do you sleep at night?  For you nurses that tell a family member “I’ve already talked to someone in your family today and I’m not going to talk to another one”, “We have families too”.  How do you sleep at night?  For all of us on the outside, you are the only connection to get information that we desperately need!!  How can you deny a family that when they haven’t seen their loved one in months?

What I say to you is YOU’VE CHOSEN THE WRONG PROFESSION!  A good nurse, or doctors has empathy and compassion and what you’ve shown is that you just don’t care!!! Yes we know you are tired and want to go home to your families, but that family member on the phone wants to see theirs and to know they are being taking care of with compassion. If you have no compassion to give the family information, just what kind of care are you giving their loved one?

There are hospitals out there who have never restricted visitors and have done it successfully with out spreading the virus. It’s past time that hospital look to those who have been successful and implement change!!!

Sooner or later, you may have to walk in my shoes.